I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Success! We fucked roommates!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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