My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
