get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I touched a dick in church today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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