i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
