I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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