If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize