Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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