as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
