"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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