Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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