That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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