Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
