I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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