He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
