# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My dick has a subreddit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
