you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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