The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
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Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize