:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
