At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
