You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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