is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
