she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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