i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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