i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
