Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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