clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
