put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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