i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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