Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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