I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
