...so i touched it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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