I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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