Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
