mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
