he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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