THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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