i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
