I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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