Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
