i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We smell like vodka and hangover
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