No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
