At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
bring money and cleavage
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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