Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
