but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
