you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
