Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
