if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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