repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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