..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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