It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
