I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
