You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
