you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms