it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby