you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"