If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.