I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good