Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
