i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
