True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ttyl tear gas
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
