My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize