Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
