my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
